Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Harvested Over 6000 Tomatoes In July!

Today's harvest includes 40 SunGold, 19 Black Cherry(1), 17 Husky Cherry Red(2), 10 Snow White(1), 6 Snow White(2), 5 Garden Peach, 5 Husky Cherry Red(1), 4 Nyagous(2) (not Nyagous), 4 Black and Brown Boar(2), 4 Sweet Baby Girl, 3 Yellow Perfection, 3 Noire Charbonneuse(2), 3 Redfield Beauty, 3 Indigo Rose, 3 Jaune Flamme(2), 3 Earl of Edgecombe (6 ounces, 8 ounces), 3 Black Cherry(2), 2 Green Grape, 2 German Orange Strawberry (8.5 ounces), 2 Speckled Roman(3) (6 ounces), 2 Carmello, 2 Gypsy, 2 Red Boar(1), 2 Indigo Apple(2), Berkeley Tie Dye, Sweet Million, Red Currant, Pineapple(1) (10 ounces), Pink Berkeley Tie Dye(1) (6.5 ounces), Pink Furry Boar, Oaxacan Pink (7.5 ounces), Dr. Wyche's Yellow, Big Bite, Pineapple Pig, Japanese Black Trifele (6 ounces), Italian Heirloom (10 ounces), Creme Brulee, Yellow Furry Boar, Purple Dog Creek (9 ounces), Amana Orange (10 ounces), Delicious (9 ounces), Red Boar(2), Amazon Chocolate, Clint Eastwood's Rowdy Red, Taxi, Porkchop(2) and SunSugar for a total of 172 tomatoes.

We've now harvested over 6000 tomatoes for the month of July (6088)! This is a sign of a tremendous month. If time permits, I'll do a comparison with prior years (I didn't have time at the end of June to go across years). But I can state -- our tomatoes have been quite tasty (truly the only thing that matters), large and plentiful. Everything else is just noise.

Pink Berkeley Tie Dye(2) and Brown Berry need to be pulled.
 

4 comments:

Ric Ambrose said...

Those are commendable figures and numbers. Fantastically enough, those figures also correlate close enough to the housing bubble and related foreclosures, the Obama election, and the interest rate curves imposed by the feds. Yes, 2008 was a crappy year for tomatoes due to the lycopene Ebola outbreak and the Iranian potato invasion that affected the east coast of the United States of America. Freedom Fries!

The variation of our numbers reflects yours in many orders of negative magnitude. Ours hovered in the single digits of tomato production with a negative correlation to cost per fruit harvested. The least tomatoes harvested, the higher the cost.
We did collect ONE tomato in 2007 of the Big Boy variety, but it weighted 75lbs. That equals close to 10,000 of the snow white and Black Cherry varieties. So, we won the 2007 harvest contest by weight.

In 2008 we grew no tomatoes. But we managed to purchase close to 30lbs of tomatoes in the vine at the grocery store. Beth loves BLT sandwiches. That means that during the 2008 season we consumed, not preserved or gave away, the equivalent of 5,000 Sun Gold tomatoes. Again, we win the 2008 consumption contest. Beth gets a medal.

In 2009 we got chickens, and their mighty poop fertilized our fecund gardens. The gardens produced tomatoes, zucchinis, and gourds not unlike those portrayed in Woody Allen's 1973 blockbuster movie "Sleeper." That year we were able to save on the home air conditioning and cooling bill. The shadows cast by the huge fruits kept our homestead cool in perennial shadow and created a pleasant Mediterranean micro-climate around the neighborhood. Unfortunately the savings were offset by the damage the huge tomatoes caused to the neighbors' fences and pets when they would roll as they inflated in size. We donated 17 tomatoes to Habitat for Humanity to be used as pre-fab shelters across the globe. We didn't need to harvest tomatoes in 2009. Beth would go out to the patch with a knife, a bowl, and carve the fruits as they were still attached to the plant. Once again, we win the 2009 size and volume contest.

At great expense and effort the Pricewaterhouse Coopers accountants have been working around the clock to tabulate the 2010 and 2011 harvests. The combined estimate for those two years, so far, is enough to circle the earth 34.78 times. Final figures are not in as of this writing. We estimate close to 67.2 metric tonnes (not imperial tons) of tomato pulp production. We've been advised by the accounting team assigned to our account that there is a high probability of an imminent destabilization of the tomato commodity price index upon release of these figures to the public. They've advised caution. We've surpassed the national tomato production of Sweden, Antarctica, the Solomon Isles, and Peru combined. It seems as we've won the 2010 and 2011 Nobel Prize for Tomato Economic Growth and the DARPA Alimentation X Contest.

So far the 2012 harvest is on track to beat all previous historical and hysterical records. We have a full-time crew hauling wheel barrels of tomatoes out of our gardens, 24/7. Some tomatoes are going to fund cancer research, others are being used to study the feasibility of using tomatoes as a fixative on highway potholes repair. The Air Force is experimenting with tomatoes biofuel derived from our tomatoes to propel the stealth fighter fleet, and in conjunction with the Navy as an alternative propellant for ammunition. We've been designated by the U.K. As the official tomato purveyor for the 2012 Olympic Games - imagine getting a call from the Mother Queen at 3:00 AM to notify us of the coveted honor. Go USA! We see no end in sight, but obviously we've won the gold medal again.

Sincerely,

Ricardo
President and Chairman of the Tomato

Ric Ambrose said...

Those are commendable figures and numbers. Fantastically enough, those figures also correlate close enough to the housing bubble and related foreclosures, the Obama election, and the interest rate curves imposed by the feds. Yes, 2008 was a crappy year for tomatoes due to the lycopene Ebola outbreak and the Iranian potato invasion that affected the east coast of the United States of America. Freedom Fries!

The variation of our numbers reflects yours in many orders of negative magnitude. Ours hovered in the single digits of tomato production with a negative correlation to cost per fruit harvested. The least tomatoes harvested, the higher the cost.
We did collect ONE tomato in 2007 of the Big Boy variety, but it weighted 75lbs. That equals close to 10,000 of the snow white and Black Cherry varieties. So, we won the 2007 harvest contest by weight.

In 2008 we grew no tomatoes. But we managed to purchase close to 30lbs of tomatoes in the vine at the grocery store. Beth loves BLT sandwiches. That means that during the 2008 season we consumed, not preserved or gave away, the equivalent of 5,000 Sun Gold tomatoes. Again, we win the 2008 consumption contest. Beth gets a medal.

In 2009 we got chickens, and their mighty poop fertilized our fecund gardens. The gardens produced tomatoes, zucchinis, and gourds not unlike those portrayed in Woody Allen's 1973 blockbuster movie "Sleeper." That year we were able to save on the home air conditioning and cooling bill. The shadows cast by the huge fruits kept our homestead cool in perennial shadow and created a pleasant Mediterranean micro-climate around the neighborhood. Unfortunately the savings were offset by the damage the huge tomatoes caused to the neighbors' fences and pets when they would roll as they inflated in size. We donated 17 tomatoes to Habitat for Humanity to be used as pre-fab shelters across the globe. We didn't need to harvest tomatoes in 2009. Beth would go out to the patch with a knife, a bowl, and carve the fruits as they were still attached to the plant. Once again, we win the 2009 size and volume contest.

At great expense and effort the Pricewaterhouse Coopers accountants have been working around the clock to tabulate the 2010 and 2011 harvests. The combined estimate for those two years, so far, is enough to circle the earth 34.78 times. Final figures are not in as of this writing. We estimate close to 67.2 metric tonnes (not imperial tons) of tomato pulp production. We've been advised by the accounting team assigned to our account that there is a high probability of an imminent destabilization of the tomato commodity price index upon release of these figures to the public. They've advised caution. We've surpassed the national tomato production of Sweden, Antarctica, the Solomon Isles, and Peru combined. It seems as we've won the 2010 and 2011 Nobel Prize for Tomato Economic Growth and the DARPA Alimentation X Contest.

So far the 2012 harvest is on track to beat all previous historical and hysterical records. We have a full-time crew hauling wheel barrels of tomatoes out of our gardens, 24/7. Some tomatoes are going to fund cancer research, others are being used to study the feasibility of using tomatoes as a fixative on highway potholes repair. The Air Force is experimenting with tomatoes biofuel derived from our tomatoes to propel the stealth fighter fleet, and in conjunction with the Navy as an alternative propellant for ammunition. We've been designated by the U.K. As the official tomato purveyor for the 2012 Olympic Games - imagine getting a call from the Mother Queen at 3:00 AM to notify us of the coveted honor. Go USA! We see no end in sight, but obviously we've won the gold medal again.

Sincerely,
Ricardo
President and Chairman of the Tomato

Bill Anderson said...

Did you get into Elizabeth's potpourri again?

Besides, everyone knows the falling harvest numbers are due to the LIBOR fluctuations...

Ric Ambrose said...

Her potpourri has been blessed by the waters of the Goddess, and through it so have I.